A Tongue in Chic Perspective

It should be a crime that I have not filled this blog up with new posts recently, so I will bring all two of my readers up to speed…

I broke up with my boyfriend because I’m heartless I felt like I needed to be 21. As in, learn-to-love-myself, not-answer-to-anyone kind of situation. I just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. The ways things were going was a clear indication that the worst was yet to come, and that if I chose to exit now, it would be best for both of us. But don’t worry: I was stressed out and did not sleep and eat for two days prior to doing this. I suffered too. And I had enough of it.

It seems that a lot of relationships have hit what I refer to as the “question mark stage”… the point where you go, “Will this last? Where is this going?” And suddenly it hits you that it is not going anywhere, and the only way out is to sever the ties. It is the hardest thing you have to do, but you should also love yourself and ignore all the sweet nothings they tell you after the fact… why did you save those up when you could have utilized them and ultimately helped us save our relationship? My opinion: some people don’t realize that denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Examples: my BFF is dealing with this guy from another state, who used to be a New Yorker. He hasn’t spoken to her in a year, blaming her for something she did not do, and suddenly decides to tell her when he visits that he no longer hates her, but when he returns home, calls her up and says that down the road he wants to marry her. Sorry, but what?! She loves that he is telling her this, but she (like me) is a natural-born cynic, and asks, “why now?” And we develop a laundry list of reasons: convenience, stupidity, temporary insanity, etc. but it is nice to see that she is just as rational as I am.

My brother, who is 16, is undergoing a similar drama, which makes me realize more and more that no matter how old we get, mind games never grow old… they just ripen with age. He has this semi-quasi-girlfriend who got a Coach wristlet and Burberry perfume out of him for birthday and Christmas gifts, respectively, and she decided she was going to live up to her rep as a flirt and leave him high and dry. So he remained cool and collected, meanwhile, he’s pissed/ crushed. But I told him to go into things mindfully, because no one holds your hand once you enter a relationship with someone. We all learn the hard way, huh?

So I have every intention of ringing in the New Year confident, cynical (but not too too much) and crazily independent.

My resolutions are as follows:

1. Be happy        2. Take different types of people if and when they come my way                  3. Try to eat a little bit more healthy

More to come… Buon’anno, lovers!

My internship came to a close. Whoever reads this and is just dying to know more about me, I intern at a business-to-business publisher in Manhattan. Sounds fabulous. The work isn’t bad, and I made a lot of friends there…

Lucky for me, I have no finals to take and can basically work at my part-time job more often. Which works because who doesn’t need money?

Tonight we had our annual Christmas dinner party. Typical ladies getting sauced while discussing work and the obscure. Some arrive with nasty attitudes or without their Kris Kringle gifts, but nonetheless the night rolls on…

So, people may know this about me, but I don’t particularly like to garner attention, especially from strangers. So if someone is looking at me, male or female, snidely or kindly, I don’t always notice. And tonight, my obliviousness reared its ugly head.

My girlfriend had informed me, once we exited and passed some 50-something lighting a stogie or cancer stick, that two men at the bar across the room were staring at our table, specifically, at her and me, the youngest and only people in their view. Some may be flattered (and I am flattered when people give me compliments, although it makes me feel weird, as though I can’t accept it, like a luxurious gift for doing something really simple), but this was something I didn’t accept as flattery, but perversion. The men, when I realized who they were, appeared to be around my father’s age. And while I find some older men attractive, this actually grossed me out.

Then I realized why.

I refuse to accept the social norm of ridiculously older man and the young gold-digger. It just doesn’t work for me. I mean granted, on your own accord, it’s fine, but it is certainly not for me. The same applies for dating people who look like a family member, distant or not.

At this, I began to think about youth. It doesn’t last in looks, although it never seems like you age until something like this happens to you. Would these men have looked at my friend and me if we were, say, 10-20 years older than our current age? And if so, would they be thinking the same thing as they were tonight when they saw two 21-year olds sitting at a table of fifteen women? Not sure. And would they have done or said anything to us or given us attention if they had daughters/ nieces/ cousins our age too? Or does perversion not apply?

Take sexual predators. Some of them target a certain sex, age and personality. Others, it seems, don’t necessarily have this demeanor or mindset on the surface, and if they are placed in the situation will they act upon it (i.e. teachers and young students, etc.). Either way they are as Law & Order: SVU would say, “sexually based offenders are considered especially heinous.”

I don’t think of myself as pretty, but I don’t think I’m heinous either. But if my father made advances at a young women my age, married to my mother or not, I could never look at him the same way again.

For these men, and even women, nothing lasts forever. Youth, beauty, and all those that are constantly paired together.